To Be Yours
by SnowLion no Miko
Summary: I want Naraku to be defeated, Kohaku to be freed, and the man I love to be happy, even if it isn't with me. InuSan, oneshot


_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha!_

_**Summary: I want Naraku to be defeated, Kohaku to be freed, and the man I love to be happy, even if it isn't with me. InuSan, oneshot**_

_Here's my second IY fic. And, hey, it's my favorite pairing out of the anime/manga! Yay! This one's an InuSan oneshot that is in Sango's POV, okay? This idea has been in the back of my mind for a while and I just had to write it now._

_I hope all you InuSan fans enjoy this little contribution to the fandom, because there simply isn't enough of this wonderful pairing._

_Enjoy!_

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**To Be Yours**

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Jealousy, what a terrible emotion. 

It's not only the fact that I am jealous, it is the fact that I am jealous of my best friend and of what she has.

And what she has is the man I love.

No, it isn't Miroku. I do not love him, although I feel obliged that I should. The monk cares for me so much, and yet I feel I should return the favor, although when I'm with him I am really thinking about the man who has my heart in his hands.

I feel horrible for feeling this way, but I can't deny it.

I feel like I'm betraying Miroku, who has loved me for so long, and Kagome, who has trusted me as her friend and comrade for even longer.

I feel sick to my stomach when the malicious thoughts enter my mind.

So sick...

So very sick...

I want to be with him.

And even if I were to somehow win him over, Kagome would be hurt in the process, shattering our "happy" team.

That selfish desire that creeps into the back of my mind every day makes me want to retch.

It makes me want to retch and then bathe, because the filth of the very thought of betraying Kagome makes me disgusted at myself.

Disgusted at my own self-want.

I _hate_ it.

Sometimes I hate the hanyou, as if it's somehow his fault that I feel this way, when it's not.

Yet another example of my immaturity.

I'm pathetic.

The worst part is, I know what's causing it and I do nothing about it.

Pathetic.

Why did we have to be born as who we are now? Why couldn't I have been born as Kagome? Then I would have a chance to be in your arms.

To be yours.

Inuyasha...

Sometimes I think your eyes glance over to me.

Or that's what I want to think.

That's what I want to think, because the reality is that it would never happen that way.

Because I am the one giving you a second glance every time you come over.

Sometimes I wish your smiles were reserved for only me.

But those are Kagome's smiles. Smiles for her to keep. Smiles for her to cherish. Smiles for her to remember for the rest of her years. Smiles to let her know that you care about her more than anyone in the world.

My smiles are fake.

Unless I'm around you.

My real feelings are kept, wrapped in chains, in the back of my mind, struggling to get out, struggling to see the world for the first time.

You wear your feelings on your sleeve. So unlike anyone else. Even if your words don't show it, your eyes do. Your beautiful golden eyes show me what you are really thinking.

You love Kagome, that's what they tell me.

And I accept that...

I painfully accept that.

Kagome is all of the things I could never be. She is kind, innocent, brave, and beautiful. While I am the opposite. I am not kind, I am terribly mean and everything that is the opposite of kind. I am far from innocent, for I have killed thousands of demons by my own hand. I am not brave, because the thought of even going up against Naraku chills me to the core. Beautiful? Feh, that's far from the truth.

I can see why he loves her.

Kagome doubts that she is that important to him, because when the hanyou even catches a whiff of Kikyou's scent, he rushes off to be with her, leaving her for us to comfort, console, and reassure.

But I know that he will come back, simply because of the fact that he loves her.

Sometimes I wonder if he would come back to us at all if Kagome wasn't part of the group.

And the answer is - he wouldn't, although I would like to believe that he would come back for me, when the answer is still a resounding 'no'.

I want them to be happy.

Although it causes me pain, I want them to be happy.

I want Naraku to be defeated, Kohaku to be freed, and the man I love to be happy, even if it isn't with me.

But, how wonderful it would be if he could be mine.

I have never classified myself as a naivete, but when it comes to him, being naive makes it hurt less.

I love everything about him. His golden eyes; his thick, ivory hair; his puppy dog ears; the way he walks; the way he talks; his strength; his personality; the way he cares for the people he loves more than anything...

How I want to be one of those people.

Inuyasha...

"Sango?" A very familiar voice asks from behind me.

Great...

I turn around abruptly from my sitting place beside the lake we have stopped at for the night. The sun is just setting, creating a beautiful contrast, seemingly melding the sky and earth together. Gorgeous...

I feel wet drops fall from my cheeks. Damn, I hadn't even noticed that I had been crying this whole time. Now _he_ was going to see.

"Oh, hey, Inuyasha..." I croak through my slightly swollen vocal cords.

The crunch of grass against his bare feet signals he his coming closer. The slight afternoon breeze picks up and blows his pale hair around him and the sun shines down on his figure, making him look almost angelic, which is odd, because most people picture Inuyasha as a devil.

"Why are you crying?" He asks innocently. Almost too innocent.

"It's nothing." Like _you_ would care even if something was wrong.

Liar.

"If it wasn't nothing, you wouldn't be crying over it." Inuyasha says stubbornly, stomping closer to me. He is finally standing beside me. "Is it about Naraku? Kohaku? Or has that monk been unfaithful to you?"

Truthfully, I could care less if Miroku was unfaithful to me. Although I know he would never even have the thought.

"I'm just stressed about..." I contemplate my next words carefully, for I do not want him to know the real reason behind my tears. "...Kohaku..."

Liar.

I hear him sigh and plop himself down beside me. He crosses his legs in his usual manner and I feel him scrutinizing me. His rough voice finally reaches my ears, "You don't need to worry about it," He says with utmost sincerity. "I'll get him back for you."

My eyes visibly widened after he said those words. Inuyasha said _he _would get Kohaku back for me. He said it so kindly...with a kindness so true that I could almost begin to believe that he could actually care for me.

But he doesn't.

I manage a coarse laugh, as if to assure him that I would be alright. He looks at me as if I were mocking his ability to keep a promise. "You're kind, Inuyasha."

He looks shocked when I say this, "Feh," His amber orbs resume their natural gaze and continue to bore holes into my countenance, but a slight smile crosses his lips. "...not as kind as you, Sango."

My heart skips a beat as I return the gesture. I curse myself as tears well in my eyes once more. Furiously, I wipe them away, "Damn it..."

Inuyasha is still looking at me, I know. But I didn't realize what he was planning on doing.

He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. A friendly, yet caring embrace that makes my heart almost stop and color rush to my cheeks. "Don't cry, Sango..." He mumbles into my hair. A chill races down my spine as his warm breath prickles my scalp and bristles some of my hair.

"...I prefer to see you happy."

He likes to see me happy?

Once again, my heart does flip-flops in my chest and the rise of emotions cause my already reddened face to become even more cherry-colored. "Thank you..." I murmur as I press my head into his chest, inhaling his scent.

"For what?"

"For being here for me, Inuyasha, thank you..." I exhale, slightly snuggling into his embrace even further. I think I am enjoying the moment a little too much, because Kagome...

"I'll stay here a little while longer." Inuyasha says out of the blue. "If you would allow it."

"If you don't mind staying with me." I whisper, trying not to imply anything.

"I don't." He says confidently. And, without his knowing, I feel him pull me closer into his chest, and I begin to cry more.

I am feeling something I can never have.

"Shh," Inuyasha strokes my hair in a comforting gesture, "it'll be alright, Sango..." He trails off as my sobs stops.

The sun is completely gone below the horizon now. It is dark now, with only the moon and stars for light, and he is still holding me ever-so gently, as if I were only his.

The moonlight catches his ivory locks, causing them to glow in an almost heavenly manner. His shiny, emotional orbs have also caught the light of the moon, making them stand out even more. He looks so handsome, even more so than he usually does, but I must push any of those thoughts from my mind.

We are friends.

But I can pretend, can't I?

I can hear his heartbeat.

Can he hear mine? Because I'm certain it is thumping in my ears.

I focus my eyes on the black canvas of the sky, littered with stars, and a slight, bitter smile crosses my lips.

I can never say this out loud.

I can never confess this to him.

But, somehow I want to say it.

Even if it is only to myself, I want to say it.

I love you, Inuyasha.

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_**End.**_

_How was that for a first attempt at InuSan? Did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Didn't care? Well, no matter what you thought of it, I would love to hear your opinions on this little oneshot of mine that I have been working on for a while and hardly finished it until now...LOL._

_So, I hope you read and review! I would appreciate it a lot!_

_Happy early Christmas!_

_Now, press that little button down there and leave me some little early Christmas presents!_

_Hee, hee..._


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